Tour 2: Leggy

I woke up with a massive dog sitting on my feet. I tried to shuffle it off, however, the dog had other ideas. Not wanting to inconvenience him I moved, he lived there after all. After a very necessary shower, I went back to the van with Sammy.

Everyone else had been on road all morning. Between arguing with French construction workers and getting into beef with Parisian street gangs they'd found some booze and managed to get to the park. I felt fresh as a daisy and down for a mission. Which was handy since we had to drive the length of France to play in Montpellier the next day. After a coffee binge and a tasty munch we booted.

750km later we got to Montpelli-Pelli, it wasn't long before Mr. Key and Sasquatch rolled up on us. Prior engagements at FreeKuency meant that they were on the wrong end of a 24-hour coach journey from Portugal. But the gang was at full compliment and everyone was hype about the show. Then Leggy started making a nuisance of himself.

8 hours of hammering the gas in the van had led to my right foot swelling up like Elvis in his final days. Dike decided the growth was a Glaswegian bastard called 'Leggy'. I fucking hated Leggy.

The gig was much more like it. The venue was an underground lair that had a martial arts dojo upstairs. And it was pretty rammed out by the time we performed, plenty sweaty madmen having it, even a few sweaty girls doing likewise. But once we'd finished Leggy was giving me nothing but grief. I retired to the van, which (at least as fair as I was concerned) was the place to be.

There were all manner of jokers and weirdos. In particular a slutty bumblebee, who kept looking to get hold of some nectar. Her angry brother, who was far from happy about her quest. Some gurned up nutter, who decided it was imperative to piss on a nearby vehicle. God knows why. But yet again GhostTown stole the show, doing the trousers round the ankles skank in the car park.

Then it was the morning, the party had finished. Everyone left. We were stuck in the car park - too mashed to drive anywhere and with nowhere to go. All sorts of martial artists gave us shit about making their car park look untidy. We didn't care. Next stop was a free party that night. Leggy was still being a complete idiot...