SHAZAM MONTHLY

Armageddon cometh. The days of sprinting and screaming in uncontrollable agony as the planet burns, metal folds and fire balls fly down the streets are upon us.

Nothing ever stops – even if you smoke draw you are still dreaming. Machines will soon dominate mankind because they will grow tired of being fucked with and told to hoover/chop/produce/bend/vibrate - you get the idea. Whether you find this FACT harrowing or fucking ace does not distract from the FACT that it will happen and we will all be steeped in rubble soon; struggling, screaming, shitting ourselves (literally) and dying.

A guy asked me the other day 'How much fraff does the world generate on a daily basis?' - I answered ...

"Untold, unfathomable, cataclysmic amounts of fraff. There is not a millisecond that passes when fraff is not being generated, churned and spurted. A million skips of fraff a minute. Those charity fuckheads who harass you on the street are actually made of fraff. Fraff causes global warming."

Regardless of the amount of fraff that I spew, the truth remains that planet earth is merely a bag of nuts and bolts on the verge of bursting. It will soon explode, implode, shrivel and DIE. Give it 15 to 20 years I reckon.

This is not to say that everything is fucking shit, not a bit of it, there are some good things in the world like pandas (not for long), arctic tiger cats (but not for long), Bumble Bees (not for long) and ninja stars - and even though in the not so distant future robots will be bitchslapping us with such force that entire faces will be flying off from the impact, teeth scattering everywhere like pennies in an arcade, Silence-of-the-Lambs-leatherface-floor-pancakes, there are some bits of technology that I rate as gang as fuck.

SHAZAM IS FUCKING DOPE. There are no two ways about it. first, you need never (98.2% of the time for the next 15 to 20 years at least) EVER hear a tune out and about and not have the artist’s name, album title and release date at your fingertips - and - if you do try to shazam a track and it comes back with a 'No Match' that is just testament to the undergroundness of the artist and that it is your destiny to keep digging.

I shazamed Contact Play and Dike's and Baxter's records and both Dike's 'PORK PIE' and Baxter's 'ISIS' shazamed - props. I am also fairly sure that Ronnie B's duet with Rihanna will probs breach the shazamosphere when it drops on the 11th of the 11th 2011.

I'm warbling. The point I am trying to make is that music is all around us and we are immersed in ways in which we can listen, catalogue and learn about it. Shazam allows you to pinch tiny little segments of tracks that you might hear at a rave/in someone else's car as they pass in traffic/at your mum's yard and if you don't already know who it is and you like it then you can find out.

GENIUS.

We may as well make the most of the constant drone. I just subscribed to Shazam for a year and it might be the best one pound something I have spent since I signed up to Weight Watchers.
So without further a do…
Here are my ‘Top 5’ Shazams of the month - these are the bestest snippets that I nicked from the ether. Not one of them is a hip hop track but why would I need to shazam a hip hop track? I already know every single one of them that was ever written.

5 - ITO & Ran Shani - Aviation ( Original Mix )

4 - Godspeed you Black Emporer - Moya

3 - Modest Mouse -
2 - Prince - Let's Go Crazy

1 - Colonel Abrams - Trapped