SmokeMyBlog: 11.11

Benny M is a cross between the bestest friend you ever had, and a total fucking retard you want to beat and molest in the mental home cos he makes your life feel like one big never ending raw coke wank.

I was searching through my inbox the other day and found one of the best lists ever made, it was only half the list though, of Benny M's nicknames; complete with a reason as to why he got the name (to support the realness).

I wish this group was still alive as it was updated all the time and was jokes, but Benny M grassed me up to fassbook. FOWL.

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Here is the definitive list

1. MARTIN, or THE MARTIN

2. BENNY M

3. MUSTARD
?

4. The Cat
He moves so fast.
The cat was an early version of the sloth but with more sarcasm

5. SLOTHY
Has been around for millions of years. its due to Ben's general pain
staking slowness in everything he does. bless him.

6. Benny Vegan
He loves his vegan cusine.

7. Big, bad, BMXing, BarHill Ben with a broken leg
This has to be the first from about '99 I think when he broke his leg
playing football. Probably the old war wound that sets off 'Dry shin'
these days.

8. Old Man
David reid likes to call me Old Man, due to me being a few years older
than him, its not very funny now, and of course gets less relevant
over time. (David do the maths, you're meant to be a professional
poker player/part time kid's party bouncer)

9. Grandad
(see above)

10. Nice-Ben-Cambs

11. kushtafari
This one was inspired by kushty's rastafarian roots

12. Long John Ben
Me and a mate were in the pub with Benny M the other day when he
rolled up his jeans to reveal a pair of long johns he was wearing of
course it ended in yet another nickname...."

13. Bar Hill's finest export
(tesco, barhill show above)

14. Dry shin
Dry shin was exactly what it sounds like from working a new job in a
workshop with no heating and standing on a cold floor, something that
lasted a week but will be forever recorded on here and in their
drinking rants

15. Shin Rot
After the destuteness of "dry shin" setting in the calpable effects of
"shinrot" have now set in and big lenny from the pots lower leg has
now got to be amputated.

16. Apple Neck
Due to my adams apple , i had no problem with him calling me this as
he was openly known as micro penis (massa)

17. Tight Throat
This came about as one day we were in the pub and it came to light
poor benny took a long time to drink his drinkies. Always one to
explain himself logically out of a situation, he suggested he had some
skin flaps in his throat thus making it hard for the liquid to pass
through his throat passage. This great nickname also gave birth to
SKIN FLAP.

18. Skin Flap
(see above) Also relating to his emense snoring and Ben's explanations
for the loudness.

19. Bin Shoes Ben
On account of wearing shoes he found in a bin.

20. Lentil Emmy
Ben has recently accquired a massive taste and hunger for lentils and
he is mental, obviously.

21. Lenny M
(see above)

22. Lennard
(see above)

23. Big Lenny from the pot
(see above)

24. Benny Mental
He's mental

25. Mini Mart
?

26. Benny Strudel
Ben loves his cooking. So much infact it takes him well over 6 hours
to cook and prepare any meal. He doesn't mind that though and will
take hours to explain on the telephone about what he is cooking up. No
it's not crack kids, its big desert time, the strudel took benny to
the next level in culinary cuisine. I was impressed, bored and
overwhelmed with joy all at the same time.

27. Benny Big Claw or just the Claw
A nickname that came from his Slothy roots, as they have big claws.
It's the manner in which benny strudel gets his mack on too, with his
big claw. watch out ladies....

28. Friar Kush
When Ben got a hair cut. It was a stunning bowl cut with fringe and
everything, like friar tucks. I've uploaded a photo to illustrate this
great moment in lenny's barnet history.

29. Stu the (gay) goth
?

30. Benny Big Toe
Ben came to carnival last year, well the tried. He made it as far as
euston train station and stubbed his toe on the esculator. Anne got
him a cup of ice water to him to bathe it in.
He never made it to carnival because of his injury.
A big issue seller with elephantitus asked ben if he wanted a big
issue - this guy was working and illustrated the hilarity of the
moment superbly.

31. Lenny L plates
Ben has officially anounced he is learning to drive. As his recent
nickname, Lenny is sticking well around public houses this instantly
coined his latest name. Lenny L plates or L plate Lenny. Watch out on
road motherfuckers.

32. Shin-Bad
Ben got dry shins recently, he rubs sudocream on them to sooth this problem.

33. Doc Martin
Ben has been moaning a lot as there are things wrong with him and kept
having to goto the doctors.
some of his trainers look like the classic boots too.

34. Lenny Luggage
There was a period recently over the summer where ben felt it
neccecary to lug around a huge bag like a backpacker.. to bars,
resturants, whatever, the luggage came with him.

35, Lenny Tripod
One night in the B bar lenny had his luggage on, we were intreeged as
to what was in it. turned out it was a huge tripod, he took a photo of
us all and spent about half an hour to set it up.

36. Multi Map Martin
Ever taken a Car ride with mart? No need for a map, he knows.

37. Benny M&S
benny purchaced a new jumper which he donned at the beer festival. it
was stripey and real tight, to show off his masculine figure. We all
agreed it was an M&S jobby....

38. Semi Martin
Ben aquired what he thought were Viargra, turned out they were
'seagra'... the name suggests the rest!

39. Benny MJ
Came about due to the recent parting of MJ at the same time ben had a
nose job. Both legends in their own right, mj now lives on through his
nose.

40. Benny The Conqueror
This relates to events that occured on Friday 13th February 2009 - a
date im sure Ben, Peter, Gav, Jamie and Jon will never forget...

41. Penny M
'coined' on xmas eve. I cant really remember why, i think he wanted
some money. poor lennard.

42. Skeletor
Ben has had beef with He Man for centuries and as we all know, Bar
Hill is the castle of greyskull. He is quite skeletor like too.

43 . Benne Fresh
In Bournemuth Benjammitto would always offer to cook some fresh pasta
with a stir in sauce whenever you went round his pit, a quick and easy
meal that he managed to take over an hour to make.

44. Ich bin eine Benliner
Ben has tried to pretend he is a German for a little while now. The
Germans think that Benny Bop ist one crazy guy.

45. B.O.B (Benny Organic Bidet)
I think he was in Hip Hop Kempf and was parnoid that a fart had turned
into a shart and he had made a mess on himself, so standing on a hill,
in the rain,decided to give himself an organic bidet wit the lords
sweet raindrops.

46. Benny Bedit
Was an absolute winner, he gave us a detailed account of scrubbing
himself with some birch twigs...what a hero!

47. Bennie Lennox
why? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wk4lCXt7JKo

48. Benny Rambler
Ben discussed how you could in fact walk to dry drayton, madingly and
even cambridge if you had the stamina on paths and country roads
rather than the A14.

49. Mark Corrigan
The guy from peep show. self explanatory.

50. Lenny Lederhosen
Ben is learning German; His reasons are no doubt sleaze and filth related.

51. Benny Normal

52. Ballpoint Ben.
On Friday night Ben was able to produce a ballpoint pen from deep
amongst the treasures buried in his pocket, when required to fill out
a voucher for free entry to the Fez club. Time was of the essence as
the vouchers were within minutes of expiry, and by equipping himself
with a pen before setting out that night, Ben's forward thinking saved
the day and made him a hero