GET MASHED OR DIE TRYING TOUR

Coming soon to a France near you... 

REACH.

First 50 people that come with the mums get in free. 

Fuck Insurance.

For the past week, I have been holed up in my room, repeating details to idiots in call centres. All so I can boot Britain for a bit to escape the foul stench of Mount Cameron as its waff cloud spreads throughout the nation. It's his long, podgy, shiny, red face and the fact that he's such an unbelievably smug prick.

But wait. Stop. No... What's that sound in the distance? You can hear it, can't you?

JOKES.

Why did the rude boy stab the line caught salmon?