BARRELEYESPOOKFISH

Jam Baxter was born in Sarajevo, he was raised by a midget au pair called Victoria Babushkatank who fought in world war 3 with only two spoons and a fork as weapons. Baxter left Sarajevo to pursue a career in street sweeping in East Ham, only to find himself drawn to the art of freestyle product placement rapping and fixing babies ears. After a hugely lucrative sponsorship deal with Speedos fell through due to Baxter's refusal to wax, Baxter turned his attentions towards training for the 2012 olympic ping pong team only to see his hopes dashed by a near fatal porridge stirring accident.

While in hospital recovering from both joggers nipple and tennis elbow, he wrote an album - a double album no less (show off) and it is coming out hella soon. It is called 'SPACK OUT MONDAY/RINSE OUT FRIDAY' and it is good as fuck.

Here is the promo video - look at it with your burnt out skull portals.



Look at all the graphs and shit you can clock on youtube - ill!!!!!!

I can't remember who did these...

but they are nice.

THE SUN NEWSPAPER

KNOWS NO LIMITS!!!

ED SCISSORTONGUES...

Five favourite types of tree to pull a whitey under.

1 - Evergreen Trees: Any tree that has foliage that persists and remains green throughout the year. Perfect for rain cover and warmth. You can climb these fuckers easy too.



2 - Willow Trees : Any tree of the deciduous genus Salix having usually narrow leaves, unisexual flowers borne in catkins, and strong lightweight wood. Usually found near Tesco superstores so gang can go and buy you water and swiss rolls to reduce the effects of the whitey.



3 - Ash Trees : Ash trees are a deciduous pinnate-leaved ornamental or timber trees of the genus Fraxinus. Mostly found on slopes for a perfect whitey-lie-down-recovery-session.



4 - Dogwood Trees : A tree of the genus Cornus often having showy flower-like bracts, known for its hard wood. Fun to look at when you are white and bogging it.



5 - Olive Tree: Olive trees are cultivated largely for their edible fruit, although other olive species are grown for their foliage and wood. This species produces minute white flowers with an immature green, edible fruit that turns bluish or purplish when ripe. Direct source of olive munchies but not great rain coverage.

STAGE GARMS

It was only a matter of time before garms made of meat became the must-have look on road. Only last week I saw some girl on the bendy bus with a tin of Cambpells meatballs strapped to her shinbone and two pukka pies for earrings. It took me a while to embrace it but I am now confidently walking about in my pork chop speedos, chorizo sandles and Pepperami long-johns.

Gaga may be on the front of Vogue with meat all over her man parts, but her meat garm game is weak.

Clock my road-kill-meat-shorts for example.



GET TO KNOW!!!!

(Commissions on request - road kill imported from nordic A-roads and slip-lanes).